Hurts, Habits and Hangups
A Twelve Step Program for Healing the
Natural Man
Based on the LDS
Addiction Recovery Program (ARP)
Introduction
Earth life, always teeming with snares and pitfalls, can leave any of us bruised, battered and scarred. Therefore, we struggle, we pick ourselves back up, make the necessary changes, and get back moving. As we do so, we remain constantly aware of the shortcomings that follow us, constantly reoccurring despite all we can do. So we try again, hopeful that, one day, we’ll finally summon up enough will power to finally shed ourselves of our special brand of weaknesses, the ones that seem to shadow us, like a dark cloud, in all we do.
As C.S.
Lewis explained:
“…human
beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea they ought to behave in a
certain way, and cannot really get rid of it. Secondly, that they do not in
fact behave in that way.
They know the Law of Nature; they break it. These two facts are the foundation of all clear thinking about ourselves and the universe we live in. (Mere Christianity, p. 8)
As a
result, the years pass, the weaknesses remain and we begin to despair we’ll
ever, truly be free of them.
The good news, and truly it is good news, is that a loving Heavenly Father, who foresaw our earth experience, never intended us to perfect our self. It was never in His plan. He knew that the natural man and woman within each of us, left to its own devices, would try to embrace the faulty promises of the world and, like the prodigal son, eventually finds itself lonely and empty. The natural man, wandering around in its fallen state, finally “comes to himself” and discovers that he has wandered “from a more exalted sphere” and his inheritance appears spent.
The whole
earth experience, by its very nature, leaves us with destructive patterns,
habits and behaviors that stalk our growth and threaten our peace. Our hurts,
habits and hang-ups act as a constant reminder to us, that regardless of how
gallantly we fight, no matter how impressive our effort, in the end, we cannot
find the permanent change we seek on our own. In fact, the Lord reminds us that
if when we do turn to him, “I will show unto men their weaknesses.” (Ether
12:27) We need help beyond our own.
The Savior’s atonement has a two fold effect on mankind: first, it was a sinless, selfless sacrifice to redeem us from the fall and draw all men and women unto Him. Secondly, the atonement is available to help each of us daily accomplish, what we cannot do on our own. His love, his sacrifice, can bridge the gap and lift us beyond our abilities—if we will allow it. It can literally transform who we are, changing our very nature until it is brought closer to the nature of our Creator. When that happens, we grow until we ultimately taught to love as He loves, serving in the same way he would.
Through the atonement of Christ, our hurts, habits and hang-ups are healed and taken from us; not by virtue of our efforts, but often in spite of them. Accessing this marvelous power requires that we trust Him and allow the power of the Atonement to change us. In short, we must completely surrender and trust Him. We then begin to do things His way and with his divine timing. And earthly weaknesses that are not part of the “Divine Nature” simply melt away.
The following 12 Steps For Healing the Natural Man, follow in the tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous and the LDS Addiction Recovery Program. Seen for what they are, against the backdrop of the restored Gospel, they are literally a step by step access to the transforming power of the atonement. However, many Saints who struggle endlessly with hurts, habits and hang-ups do not have an “addiction”. They will, however, benefit from a structured program that causes us to set aside pride and ego, trusting completely and fully in the grace and mercy of the savior and allow the heavenly Physician to “cure all our ills. (1 Nephi 7:ll)
Hurts, Habits and Hangups
Step 1- Admit
that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your hurts, habits and hangups
and that with them, your life has become unmanageable.
Step 2- Come to believe that the power of God, through the Atonement, can heal “all our ills.”
Step 3- Decide
to return your will and your life to God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus
Christ.
Step 4- Make
a searching and honest inventory of yourself.
Step 5- Admit to yourself, to
Heavenly Father, to proper priesthood authorities when necessary, and to
others, those weaknesses that need to change.
Step 6- Become entirely
ready to have God remove your shortcomings.
Step 7- Humbly ask Heavenly Father, in the name of
Jesus Christ, to heal those shortcomings.
Step 8- Make a list of all
people you might have negatively impacted and seek to make restitution to them
whenever possible.
Step 9- Make a list of all people who might have harmed you and through the Atonement of Christ, frankly forgive them.
Step 10- Take daily personal
inventory and when you are wrong, promptly admit it and ask Heavenly Father for
help.
Step 11- Seek through humble
prayer to know the Lord’s will and to be empowered to carry it out.
Step 12 Having had a spiritual
awakening as result of Jesus Christ, share the message of Hope with others and
practice these principles in all you do.
Step 1- Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless
to overcome your hurts, habits and hangups and that with them, your life has
become unmanageable.
For many people, the idea, even the
word ‘powerless’, causes an immediate reaction. Everything in modern society
teaches us that if we are powerless, we are vunerable. To be without power is
to be hurt and taken advantage of. It is to be weak and helpless. Society tells
us we are to be strong, powerful and to take charge of our life. And these
“thorns in the flesh” remind us, daily, that we are not.
So, we spend many years trying to
‘take charge’ only to find that we keep developing a constant string of
weaknesses and dysfunctional habits that drain spirituality from our lives and
hurt those around us. We try valiantly, by sheer willpower, to cleanse these
flaws from our lives only to have them haunt us.
Finally, we are forced to admit that
we are unable to remove these destructive elements without some help. We know
this because we’ve tried everything without success.
We cannot access the liberating power
of the atonement without first admitting we cannot change on our own. We need
Him “every hour”, in the changes that will occur within us.
In truth, the more we struggle with
our hurts and habits, the more it should be clear that we’ve never gotten past
Step 1. We must surrender our pride, our narrowed vision of what we need, our
need to be control. To do that, we have
to recognize our powerlessness and his desire to empower us—his way and his
timing.
None of the other steps will be of
value to us unless we first allow Him to take over the management of our
private battles. And, at each step along the way, we will find ourselves
struggling and realize that we are again back to Step 1. It will happen over
and over again.
What does surrender mean? What does
it look or feel like? How do we know we’re there?
We are surrendered when we are more
interested in His solutions to our problems than we are in ours. We want His loving answers, recognizing that our
solutions have often resulted in creating more problems for ourselves.
We are surrendered when we spend more
time listening in our prayers than telling the Lord what needs to happen.
We are surrendered when thoughts of
the Savior and the Atonement fill us with a sense of gratitude and awe and
love.
We are surrendered when inspired
thoughts fill our hearts about what we need to do—and we do them rather than
question endlessly our abilities or His wisdom.
We are surrendered when we are
content with the idea that we are “less than the dust of the earth” and that
the Savior’s infinite Intervention will someday bestow on us “all that God
has.”
We are surrendered when we see we have
no room to judge others, given the amount of divine mercy extended us. We
simply pray the Lord will forgive them as he has us.
We are surrendered when we quite
trying to perfect ourselves and allow him to polish us in his way and in his
time.
We are surrendered when we begin to
feel a measure of peace and hope that reminds us that when it is in our best
interest, our hurts, habits and hang-ups will be removed from us; not because
our own efforts but because of His love.
Step 2- Come to believe that the power of God,
through the Atonement, can heal “all our ills.”
What do we
believe about God? Really believe. We can teach others and speak at length
about who He is, about His power and His love toward His children. We can say
we believe He knows what is best for us and that He will be there for us when
we need it.
However,
despite whatever we may say, what we believe is immediately called into
question when we find we’ve been going about trying to “play God.” We do this
when we keep trying to conquer life’s obstacles without seeking His input. We
‘play God’ when, despite knowing His commandments and councils, we keep doing
things our way, based on what we think will make us happy. Our pride insists that we can succeed only if
we try harder and smarter. Just give me a
little longer, we say, I’ll figure
this out. I always do.
And then we
don’t. But our stubbornness, born out of a desire not to change too much, eggs
us on, hoping to make enough necessary changes resulting in comfortable,
stress-free alterations.
Nephi, who
watched his perpetually miserable brothers struggle against God’s inspired
direction, simply noted: “they knew not the dealings of that God who had
created them.” (I Nephi 2:12) When we make decisions that run counter to our
happiness, in that moment, we make it clear that we have either lost sight of
God’s wisdom, or we’ve never really had it in the first place or that we’ll
choose our myopic path instead.
Step 2
combines with Step 1 to help begin the process of surrendering our need to
control our healing and our life. And it reminds us that we are not in control
of the whole process and challenges us to trust that He is. These two steps
form the foundation for everything else that we do.
The Prophet
Joseph Smith pointed out, in Lectures on Faith, that it is the first principle
of faith to have a ‘correct’ knowledge of God’s attributes and characteristics.
While this may include an understanding that He has a body of flesh and bones
and is a separate being from Jesus Christ, it is far more than that.
Coming to
believe that the power of God will remove and heal all our ills is not a just a
belief that He has the ability. If He can part the
Many of us
look around and see those around us, in and out of the church, that seem to be
prospering and growing, apparently unencumbered by the weakenesses that cause
us so much grief. Why do they not have
the fleshly thorns that make me miserable? We ask.
Some of us
seek solace in the idea that, perhaps they have just as many problems as we do;
we just can’t see them. We then take a secret joy in discovering the flaws and
struggles of those who seem to be ‘without sin.” I can bear my weaknesses as long I know others are just as miserable as
I am! In fact, in search of this ‘justice’ we may be tempted to go out of
our way to find or point out the sins and weaknesses of others, quietly hoping
that—one day—“they’ll get theirs…”
Conversely, the exact purpose of the Infinite
Atonement is for each of us to become ‘partakers of the divine nature.’ As we
learn to be like Him we will see others as he does. We then celebrate their
successes and mourn with them when they don’t.
And, as we
do, we learn, anew, who He really is because we have become like him.
Step 3- Decide to return your will and your life to
God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
On the
surface, the decision to turn our will and life over to God seems to be an easy
one. He’s God! He knows us: our
strengths and weaknesses, our needs, our worries. He knows the future, including
all the positive and negative events that await us. In addition, He also knows
exactly which combination of life experiences will polish us in such a way as
to teach us the lessons we need in order to grow into the person He envisions
for us. He knows us, our circumstances and our needs. He also loves us and wants the best for us.
In fact, the Lord has reserved all that He has for us.
So, for all
these reasons, the decision to let Him take over should be instinctive. Of course I want Him running my life. Why
wouldn’t I?
Our own
experience, as well as watching those around us, tells us that this
decision—the one where we surrender completely to Him—is anything but easy. For
a wide variety of reasons, we hesitate, we delay, we question. And then we continue
to live life our way, cringing when it continues not working.
So, what
stops us from sacrificing our will, placing it on the alter and surrendering
completely to Him? To begin with, we have this nagging, sneaking hunch that if
we totally surrender everything He will begin to require things from us.
Uncomfortable things. New things. Things we’d rather not do, changes we don’t
want to make. In the other words, if I have Him take over, I’ll have to
change—and I’m still not quite sure I’ll be happier.
Secondly,
if I’m going follow Him, I have to trust that I’m really hearing Him. After years of doing things my way, I may have lost
faith that I can distinguish the voice of the spirit from my own wants and wishes.
How do I know? And what if I follow the voice and it all blows up in my
face? What if I make a mistake and follow the wrong voice?
Others
delay trusting God because they fear that they will somehow lose themselves,
their individuality or their free agency. To
place my will on the alter is to become lost. I’m not supposed to be ‘that’ trusting,
am I? I’ll lose who I am!
Regardless
of the reason, we delay our decision based on a faulty understanding of who the
Lord is, what He wants for us and what He intends the end result to be. Also, in
each case, there is often an unrecognized assumption that to trust Him is to be
less happy, not more! We delay necessary changes, fearing we’re going to sacrifice
happiness if we change and we’re not yet ready to do that.
As a
result, our hurts and hangups thrive and our lives continue unmanageable.
The question—as
it always is—is this: What will it take, how much must I lose, how much pain or
personal disruption must I experience, before I finally decide to admit my
powerlessness and surrender my will to Heavenly Father? How many reminders do I need that my feeble
attempts, my carefully laid plans do not work and that I simply need to follow
His plan, step by step, trusting him not me?
We become,
like Naaman of old, who wanted the dreaded leprosy gone, but wanted to dictate the
terms: how the healing should happen, who would do it, and where it should take
place. Finally, when he listened to voices of those who loved him, he set pride
aside, did exactly as he was told and after seven dips the Jordon, came up
clean ‘as a child’. He then returned home and built an alter to Jehovah, honoring
the true source of his healing.
Again, we
must decide to decide. The process begins when we choose, like Naaman, to do whatever
is required of us, regardless of whatever it might be. We decide to place our
lives and will in God’s hands (where it has been all along), soften our heart
and meekly follow.
Step 4- Make a written searching and honest inventory
of yourself.
Our decision, in step 4, to surrender
our pride, will first lead us to a frank and honest written inventory of ourself
and our life. Mentally, we’ve reviewed many aspects of our lives already. Painful
events have replayed, over and over, in our minds. But, we’ve never committed,
in writing, in one place, a complete and honest inventory of ourselves.
And for good reason.
We cringe when we review many of our
past behaviors. We’ve worked hard to forgot them, wishing they’d never happened
in the first place. When we remember them, our heart shrinks and shame creeps
in. I’ve worked hard to forget those things, why would I want to relive
them? I know what I did, that’s why I’m finally working this program!
We complete this inventory because it
is exactly that—an inventory. For the purposes of our healing, we’re going to
gather a written list of both our strengths and weaknesses; our triumphs
and tragedies. This is not intended to be our life story, but it will be an
honest evaluation of who we are and what we’ve done.
For these reasons, understandably,
this may be the most difficult step because of its level of discomfort. Like
Naaman, we will probably want to lower our discomfort by modifying the terms
and the extent of the inventory. We will find ourselves searching for ways to
make this experience more brief and less honest.
Remember the purpose—and payoff—of our
hurts, habits and hangups, has been to reduce our uncomfortable feelings.
However, to be effective, the
inventory must be:
1) Written
2) Searching
3) Honest
While writing, seek guidance from the Spirit to know what to
write and what to include. Behaviors and past experiences, positive and negative,
will flow into your mind as you honestly inventory your life. Don’t be surprised
if, during the experience, you are constrained to join with Nephi who conducted
his own personal inventory and exclaimed:
O wretched man that I am! Yea, my
heart sorroweth because of mine iniquities.
I am encompassed about because of the
temptations and the sins which so easily beset me.
And when I desire to rejoice, my
heart groaneth because of my sins…
However, Nephi was also constrained to add:
…nevertheless, I know in whom I have
trusted. My God hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness…He hath
filled me with his love (2 Nephi 4:
17-21)
In other words, during his inventory Nephi felt pain as he
remembered his inequities. At the same time, he could then view his blessings and
see, even more clearly, the great extent of the Lord’s mercy extended him. The
whole experience led him ask: “…why should I yield to sin because of my flesh? Yea,
why should I give way to temptation…Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin.
Rejoice, oh my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.” (2 Nephi
4: 27,28)
Step 5- Admit to yourself, to
Heavenly Father, to proper priesthood authorities when necessary, and to
others, those weaknesses that need to change.
Hurts, habits and hangups include a
wide variety of dysfunctional behaviors that disrupt our lives and hurt those
we love. They may include obsessive thoughts like perfectionism or an inability
to get organized. Some hurts, like past abuse or long running grudges, can
dominate our daily lives and rob us of joy and happiness.
We may also discover that some habits
are addictive in nature, such as a reliance on prescription drugs or
pornography. They may deeply effect those around us, such as raging or
violently acting out.
In addition, others may require
professional help, such as with anxiety or clinical depression.
In all cases, surrendering our will
allows the Lord to place people in our path who will love us and help us heal.
The Lord always works through ministering angels, helping us from both sides of
the veil. (
Some habits may involve violation of
the commandments, requiring help from inspired priesthood leaders, like a
Bishop or Stake President. Most, however, simply necessitate the help of at
least one other person in the process. Why another person? Because we were never expected to heal in
isolation. Committing our changes to another person involves their insights
into our changes. They may see something we’ve missed.
It is also possible that the Lord’s
inspiration may come to us through them. This may be especially true for
those of us whose selfish pride creates the greatest problems. We may refuse
help because we fear it may mean we are weak or lazy. Or, we may believe it
means we haven’t tried hard enough yet. Regardless, accepting help from others,
while humbling, can remind us that we do not have all the answers or abilities
.
When weighing whether to involve
someone else in our healing, we should remember that even the Savior, the
greatest of all, took time in the
Again, we do not heal in isolation.
Step 6- Become entirely ready to
have God remove your weaknesses.
At the heart of the 12 Steps are
Steps 6 and 7. Contained in these two steps are the essence and power of the
Savior’s Atonement. After honestly
completing the first five steps, we have begun to humble and surrender
ourselves, thus preparing our hearts for the healing we lack the ability to
change on our own.
The removal of hurts, habits and
hangups, like the gift of faith, the Gift of the Holy Ghost and gifts of the
spirit, is a freely given gift. We have not earned it, nor do we deserve it through
our merits. We’re not entitled to it based simply on our membership in the
church or our pioneer ancestry.
Yet, amazingly, we receive it anyway.
Our responsibility, in the reception
of this wonderful gift, is to do everything we can to surrender our will, thus
softening our heart for the time and extent that the gift is given. Just like
the reception of faith, Alma reminds us that, “…if ye give place, that a
seed may be planted in your heart, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief,
that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell
within your breasts…” (
The removal of these hurts and habits
is among the greatest gifts we will ever receive. Like forgiveness from serious
sin, it is accomplished by the power of the Atonement, based, not on our merit,
but on his love for us.
It is done because, in most cases, it
is something we are unable to do for ourself. We do not possess the capability
to change deeply ingrained neuropathways, in the brain, that determine what we
do. Changing the human brain is on par with other miracles such as parting the
Step 6, then, requires that we
prepare ourselves for the gift before we even ask. That preparation requires a
cultivating a willing and receptive attitude to receive any changes the Lord
may make. It always requires a willingness to do or say whatever He make ask of
us in order to be clean.
We need to become like Naaman,
standing on the bank of the silt-filled
But, we must first decide to decide.
Step 7-
Humbly ask Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, to
heal those shortcomings.
To this point, we’ve finally
recognized we were powerless to overcome painful hurts, habits and hangups in
our life. Despite our best efforts and willpower, we’ve continued these dysfunctional
patterns of living. Seeing our inability to change ourself, we finally began to
learn about Heavenly Father’s plan for our growth. This caused us to begin to
believe that through the Atonement, the Savior, our elder brother, was able to
extend the empowering healing to our life.
We had to ask our self if we honestly
really believed that power of the Atonement could make the necessary changes in
our life and would result in our being happier than we have been. In return, we
felt the calming spirit of the Lord telling us that we were on the track and
telling us He was ready to help us change.
In Step 4, we honestly evaluated our
lives, writing down an inventory of our strengths and weaknesses. Many things
we already knew. The spirit helped remind us of others aspects we’d forgotten.
The list was painful but enlightened. At the end, we could see, even more
clearly, just how much we needed the Savior’s love to help us avoid repeating
the mistakes and decisions we’d made in the past.
As our heart softened and we became
more humble, we found we were more willing to involve others in our growth.
While we recognized that most people didn’t need to know about our hurts and
habits, we did carefully select one or two supportive friends we could be
honest with.
Then, Steps 6 and 7 involve preparing
and asking for the Lord’s intervention. We are now humble enough to know that
He can make the necessary changes in our life. What we don’t know is how soon
He will choose to make those changes and in what way.
The Apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians
12, speaks of having his own hurt or habit. He called it a ‘thorn in the
flesh’, a ‘messenger of Satan’ that buffeted him constantly. Despite asking the
Lord three times to have it removed, it apparently never was. In response to his
prayer, the Lord explained that His loving grace was “sufficient.”
Sometimes the Lord will choose to
make our weaknesses become strengths. (Ether 12) Sometimes He will give us the
strength to accomplish everything we need to—despite some level of hurt, habit
or hangup.
For this reason, asking the Lord to
remove them involves relying heavily on His timetable and on His methods. Our
surrendered heart will enable to us “wait” on the Lord, believing that the
needed changes will happen when it is in our best eternal interest. It also
helps us recognize the changes as they occur. Finally, it also helps alert us
to things we need to do to assist in the process.
With a heart full of faith, then, we
ask. He who created the Earth, who parted the
Step 8- Make a list of all people you
might have negatively impacted and seek to make restitution to them whenever
possible.
Enos prayed long and hard to have his
sins remitted. As he experienced the change of heart he reports that he “began
to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren…” (Enos 1:9) When the miracle
of healing occurs we are naturally filled with gratitude and the love of
Christ. As a result, we become “partakers of the divine nature.” (2 Peter 1:4) That
love leads us to do what He would do, including have our hearts drawn out in
concern for the welfare of those around us.
First on our list will be those who
have been negatively impacted by our hurts, habits and hangups. Our weaknesses have
long affected those around us. Regardless of whether they were love ones or
mere acquaintances, other people were either hurt or forced to compensate for our
actions. As we are changing, we naturally desire to reach out to those we may
have hurt.
While nothing we can do will replace
any pain we might have caused, we can still do those things that are in our
power to do. We can apologize to those we impacted; we can seek to do restitution
for anything they might have lost because of us.
We begin, knowing that some will
accept our apologies and others may not. That will be their choice. Some things
that were lost can never to be restored by us. In any case, we reach out, doing
everything in our power to complete the needed restitution.
We can also take great comfort in the
knowledge that the Savior’s Atonement not only heals the sins of the transgressor
but will also, at some future date, bring needed peace and restoration to the
victim as well. Both find a ‘balm of Gilead’ in the Savior’s endless sacrifice.
Asking for forgiveness from those we
might have hurt can be a difficult and humbling experience. However, when done
in the spirit of love, it has the power to restore relationships and bring
peace to troubled hearts.
Step 9- Make a list of all people who
might have harmed you and through the Atonement of Christ, frankly forgive
them.
At the Sermon on the Mount, the Lord
prays, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Matt 6:12) Put in
other terms, please forgive my sins, as quickly and freely as I forgive
those who have hurt me. The Lord forever tied our own forgiveness to the way
we extend forgiveness to others for a simple reason—it is what He would do.
As our life is being transformed, we
find our heart filled with more love towards others. We find it easier to pray
for those “who despitefully” use us. While this would have been difficult to do
while we were still acting on our hurts and habits, we discover that living
with a surrendered heart is incompatible with keeping grudges and old
resentments. It is simply not in the ‘divine nature’ to do so.
In the past we may have hesitated to
extend our forgiveness to others because we thought it might diminish or
minimize what they did to us. We may be waiting for them to show real remorse
or to apologize. In other cases, we may have simply hoped that some type of
justice might intervene in their life, causing them to suffer; and be at least
equal to the pain they caused us. Without their suffering, we rationalized, it
just wouldn’t be fair!
As we’ve gone through the repentance
process, we’ve experienced awe and wonder at the power of the Atonement. We’ve
seen the tender mercies and blessings extended to us—despite our weaknesses,
follies and mistakes. The gratitude we now feel is based on how little we deserved
what we received and how much mercy and love was given to us. What we were
blessed with was not fair when weighed against our actual merits. We were profoundly
grateful that in our case the Lord was not fair! We did not want
justice, we wanted mercy.
We found peace, then, when we forgave—completely—without
worrying about fairness or keeping score. We ceased to wish ill on any other
individual and prayed for the Lord’s blessings in their lives. In fact, we
found ourselves saddened when misfortune occurred to them.
We also found that forgiving others
was more about us than them. We needed to let go of those issues because our
own joy, our own peace depended on it. We had difficulty hearing the still,
small voice of the spirit until those grudges were removed from our lives.
In some cases, we needed the power of
God to remove those feelings from us because we were unable to do it on our own.
Because of especially deep hurts and/or abuse, the resentment and anger was
deep and well established. Those events had profoundly affected our lives for
years. After much effort, we were finally able to let go of them. We learned
that “this kind cometh out only by fasting and prayer.”
Step 10- Take daily personal
inventory and when you are wrong, promptly admit it and ask Heavenly Father for
help.
Living the Surrendered Life certainly does not mean living
life perfectly. We still battle our ‘natural man’ day after day. Thus, in order
to walk the “peaceable walk with the children of men” (
The Lord explained to Joseph Smith that
the “…soul who sinneth shall the former sins return”. (D&C 82:7) Some have interpreted
that verse to mean that if we return to our former hurts, habits and hangups, after
having them removed from us, the Lord, who said he would remember our sins “no
more”, would have all our former sins placed on our heads once more.
What is more likely, and more consistent
with a merciful Heavenly Father, is that if we turn and embrace our former
hurts, habits and hangups, our former behaviors return as if they’d never
ceased. Alcoholics, for instance, consistently report that if they were to start
drinking again, they would not start at the beginning with social drinking but
would immediately go back to being drunk and out of control.
We’ve enjoyed the peace and serenity
of having disruptive behaviors and hurts taken from us. However, our natural
man and/or woman still remembers their effects and would gladly embrace them if
given another opportunity. It is for this reason that we take a constant, daily
inventory of our lives and behaviors and take immediate efforts to surrender destructive
ones to the Lord as quickly as possible.
We know we are less likely to admit
we are powerless when we feel an increase in our pride and selfishness. Our
humility decreases and we again attempt to live life according our own myopic plans.
When that happens we begin again to ‘keep score’ and worry about life being ‘fair’
to us. In short, we quickly begin to forget “…how merciful the Lord hath been
unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam…” (
That we always remembered his mercies
towards us, we found daily peace and surrender in a consistent, morning
devotional. When we took time, each morning, to read the scriptures for a few
minutes and then pray, we placed ourselves in a position to humbly ask the Lord
to help us through the day. We were able to review our lives and quickly catch
destructive habits from forming. We were reminded, each day, how dependent we
are on a loving Heavenly Father for all we’ve become. When we’ve done this on a
daily basis, we found ourselves filled with love and gratitude and clean of our
hurts, habits and hangups.
Step 11- Seek through humble prayer to know the Lord’s
will and to be empowered to carry it out.
In process of having our lives transformed we were constantly
reminded of basic truths about our Heavenly Father.
- He
loves us and only wants what is best for us.
- He
knows us completely.
- He
knows what will happen to us in the future.
- He
knows the events that need to happen, in our life, to help mold us.
- He
has a clear cut plan for our greatest happiness.
Based on these truths, we were reminded that He knows who we
are, what we need and what need to happen in the future for our happiness.
On the other hand, when we actually examined the things we
prayed for, we found we spent most of the time telling Heavenly Father what
needed to happen and when and how. In short, we began to recognize that we
spent most of our time telling Him what to do when we already agreed He had a
plan in place for us. We then understood why it was our prayers were often less
effective and unanswered.
It was at this point we changed the way we prayed. As we grew
to trust Him more, we became more focused on learning what He wanted us to
do, rather than what we wanted Him to do for us. As we did, we listened
more and asked less. We focused more on the still, small voice instead of
hurrying to get through our pre-decided list of wants and needs.
In addition, we became aware that we were receiving more
impressions and promptings than we were initially aware of. As we sought to
live with a more surrendered heart, we found we were more open to His constant
help and counsel in our lives.
What we found we often lacked, however, was the courage to
follow—exactly—those promptings when they came. The Spirit was often directing
us to do or say things that were new and/or uncomfortable. It was leading us to
reach out to others when we weren’t used to doing so. We could see we were being
stretched and taken outside our comfort zone, helping us to grow further.
To help us as we were being thus challenged, we found
ourselves pleading with God for the strength and courage to do what He was
directing us to do. We were anxious to do His will and also worried we’d find
excuses for not doing them. “Lord I believe,” we explained, “help thou my
unbelief.”
Step 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as result of
Jesus Christ, share the message of Hope with others and practice these
principles in all you do.
Far too many good men and women
struggle daily to rid themselves of debilitating hurts, habits and hangups. They
try to get free of them by working harder and harder while seeing less and less
success. They then grow more hopeless as they seem unable to ‘fix’ their
problems.
Their daily struggle is one we
understand all too well. We too tried, unsuccessfully, to make our destructive
habits go away by sheer will power. Because nothing seemed to be working, we
began to wonder if we’d ever be free of them.
Then, at some point, someone we
respected shared with us that real healing would not come through our own
efforts. It would happen only as we surrendered our heart and will to the
Savior and allowed Him to heal what we could never heal through our own
efforts.
The idea of being restored to health
by surrender to Christ, rather than being healed by our own efforts, can be a
difficult concept to learn. It runs contrary to traditional motivational and
success philosophy taught be the rest of the world.
And it is not the Lord’s way.
There are many around us to need to
know these principles. Because they do not, their lives remain more painful
than is necessary. They continue trying to fix themselves because they do not
know anything different. For this reason, they may need to know the truth from
us when they are in a place to hear it.
When we care about others, we want to
help them. However, that help and counsel can only come when they are prepared
and ready to hear and act on it. Knowing what to say and when to say it
requires us to listen closely for the promptings of the spirit and then acting
at the right time.
